sadness

[gopher]

Today, I realized that I have never had a best friend. It was very depressing, and I'm wondering if I'm the only person that's never had a best friend. Now this has made me realize that I've never had an older brother or sister to talk to either. I'm always alone except for with my mom and brother, but he's got cerebral palsy so he's not gonna be comforting me anytime soon.

I am in desperate need of my half-brother's email address. He apparently emailed my uncle asking about my mom and I really want to talk to him to see what he's like. I hope he's not a fundie or something like that. I might actually have someone in the family that's normal. I haven't talked to him in many years. I'd estimate about 7.

Am I getting worked up over nothing?

[Skylarking]

No, feeling the need for compassion is perfectly normal in humans. If not, we'd all be hermits.

The only best friend, and close friend, I have ever had is Melanie. We were best friends throughout grades 9 and 10. Over the summer I lost her to rednecks, heh. We're still friends, but I'm lucky if I can ever spend time with her. Luckier if her boyfriend isn't with us, being an asshole. *sigh* I don't have my best friend anymore, and it fiddlesticksing hurts. Oh well, things happen. I really don't mind hermit-hood.

Enough of my ramblings. Some people constantly need a best friend, companion, or partner, and some don't. It fluctuates from person to person. In the same way, some are close to their family and siblings, and others aren't. I personally can't stay in a room with my brother for very long without nearly having an anxiety attack, but my Evan and his sister are tight. [/thug] I really hope you can get a hold of your half brother, though. That'd be really awesome if you two got to stay close.

[gopher]

Ugh, he's apparently in the marines and training to go to Iraq this spring. I'm so scared he's going to go over there and die, or he'll turn out to be like the rest of my godshucky darn dang family. Everytime I start to think about any of those possibilities I'll start crying, but I have to make myseld stop because if my mom sees me she won't leave me alone until she knows what's wrong. I can't say "I'm scared Jan'll turn out to be like the rest of you fundies."

And to make matters worse, my mom found out from My uncle that NIN is a band for "alternative lifestyles." She didn't know anything about them before. Now she knows how bad they are thanks to my asshole of an uncle. I had the logo written on the back of my hand from a couple of days ago (Vis-a-vis pens are suprisingly permanant). He started inquiring about it, and we ended up on the "alternative lifestyle" bull****.


Things are not going well. I did get to go to a friend's house for movies and pizza yesterday. We watched The Village which scared the hell out of me at first, but then it gave me this twisted knot in my stomach when Adrien Brody's character died. It was good overall though, and the actors were very good.

[Skylarking]

Ah, I'm sorry, Gopher. I'd be terrified if any of my family was heading to war too. (In fact, my mother has this intricate plan to hide my brother of me in the mountains if a draft is issued. But that is not on topic.)

Yeah, and being part of an "alternative lifestyle" is totally a terrible thing. >.> I'm sure the music triggers you to something naughty...or something.

Oh...I haven't that yet. Oh well, I never liked Adam Brody anyway. =P

[gopher]

He hasn't responded to my email yet. Now my uncle Jason is talking about going over there too, but he won't be working as a foot soldier or anything. He'll be working more with machinery. Thank god for that, because he'd be the third one to leave.


Yes, it'd be terrible if I actually did something I liked, instead of something my mom lets me do.