Post by sex ees gud on Aug 24, 2005 19:51:15 GMT -5
For the past couple of years whenever i go somewhere i'm always told i'm very attractive and really cool. Like, in my group of college friends now i've been deemed residential hottie. And everyone seems to like me. But what i totally dont get is how....i've been single for over 2 years. If i'm apparently so attractive, funny, smart and cool......then why won't anyone go out with me? I mean, aren't these qualities you look for in a person? I'm friendly unless you give me a reason not to be, i'm loveable...but somehow i'm always that really hot chick that everyone loves to hang around but not date. I mean...how does this make any sense? What really pisses me off and REALLY depresses me is what has happened TWICE in the past 24 hours, and even though this is gonna make me sound like a slut, but i need to get it out. I honestly do feel really bad about this, but it's something i did. In the past 24 hours i've had sex with 3 different guys. One of them is mutual, it's a close friendship and we enjoy the sex, nuff said. Well, my best friend IMd me and asked if he could come over, so i left my window open (i live in the basement) and let him sneak in. He told me he was horny and was all flirty with me. I know we aren't gonna go out, because we've dated on and off a lot, but i was horny too and i'm used to friends with benefits, so we had sex. When he was done, he got dressed, said, "Thanks for the favor" and snuck back out my window. Next, for the past couple of days this one guy has been really flirty with me, cuddling up to me and kissing me and stuff and was telling me how much he liked me. So then we find ourselves in the stairwell making out and well...it went from there. When he was done he started to tell me how he had a girlfriend and thought it was better if he stayed with her. I mean...it's made me think a lot about things. I have never had sex while in a relationship. How pathetic is that. Well, i take that back, i had sex with Jess once...but that was a long time ago. And it makes me feel like it's all i'm worth. Is that all i'm good for? A groping doll, a sex toy? Because it seems like it's the only thing anyone ever wants. I have no good friends that i can just sit down and have a shoulder to cry on, because no one wants to see me like someone who actually has true homanly feelings. I play video games with my friends and cut up, but at the end of the day, all i'm there for is a quickie. And in my opinion i would think that if i'm such a cool person to hang out with and play video games, have deep conversations and im attractive, why is it that people almost blatantly refuse to go out with me? I honestly feel that i was given the one chance with Jess, blew it and now i'll never find happiness, and i know i'm just going on 19, but i cant even get a boyfriend or girlfriend. I mean....God....what is it that's so horrible about me? I'm not even clingy. I will go up to the guys that like me and hug them and when they give signs of wanting to cuddle i will cuddle, but i dont cling. I have things to do too. And after we discuss a ton of things theyre always like, "You are the coolest chick i've ever met." and then Kenny, who actually shows some hope of being a meaningful friend to me, said that i am one of the very few very attractive girls in that group. Well, you'd think that it would merit me a relationship....but it seems like i'm not good enough for that.
okay...that's my rant. Sorry..it was just starting to build up inside me and i needed to get it out *sigh*
okay...that's my rant. Sorry..it was just starting to build up inside me and i needed to get it out *sigh*
