self-destruct

[x.cautiontape.x]

this is one about suicide and such...stuff i struggle with

my shaking hand
reached for a knife
my tight throat
whispers good-bye
how can i do this
self destruct
is all my brain is saying
i've got to do this
you'll all be so much better
you don't really love me anyway
i have no one to rely on
no one to lean back on
so whats the point of living
when i could just self destruct
it would be a whole lot easier
a lot more fun too
my shaking hand lays the knife down
and picks up the pills
my tight throat
says good-bye again
my clamy fingers un twist the top
and i pour the content
into my shaking hand
im going to do it this time
its going to work
im leaving
you'll all be more happy
more content
if i would just leave
my shaking hand flings the pills
dang
there goes my shot
maybe it would be easier
if i would say good-bye
for real
my shaking body
sits at my desk
as i write my last words
on a torn paper
good-bye
im sorry
good-bye
my shaking body retreats to my bed
where my shaking hand
picks up the gun
dads .44
he never noticed it was gone
my clamy finger
taps the trigger lightly
one more time
slightly harder
not hard enough
position the gun to my head
and my clammy finger pulls the trigger
i scream at the pain
but fall dead
with a cold hard bullet
embedded in my head
its over
im done
its finished
no redos
nothing more to say
good-bye torture of the world
good-night.

[Arya]

wow, powerful. *hug* I hope things are ok now.

[EyesofanAngel20]

*great big hug* good poem. i know how you feel. i used to be exactly like that. sometimes i still feel like the world would be better off w/o me. I don't want to kill myself or cut anymore, but i do still have thoughts about not being wanted. you can pm me ANYTIME you need me! Im here for you. i mean it! i love you! -bethany #20

[Skylarking]

That was really amusing to read while listening to Veggie Tales.